441. “Speaking up is how we become known.” | Building Emotional Intimacy Without Losing Yourself with Tonya Lester

Licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and author Tonya Lester joins us to explore one of the most pervasive issues she sees in her practice: what happens when people stay silent for too long. Known for her Modern Love essay in The New York Times and her popular Psychology Today blog, Staying Sane Inside Insanity, Tonya has spent years helping individuals and couples navigate communication, conflict, and the fear of speaking their truth.

In our conversation, we dig into the patterns that inspired her new book, Push Back: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself. Tonya describes the all-too-common dynamic where one partner quietly struggles while the other believes things are "fine"---until the relationship reaches a breaking point. She shares how clarity around values, direct communication, and what she calls "mutual empathy" can transform not only romantic relationships but workplace dynamics as well.

Tonya also offers practical guidance for anyone feeling lonely, unseen, or disconnected from their own needs. Whether through journaling prompts, identifying the next small step toward living your values, or learning to slow down heated conversations, she reminds us that emotional intimacy is built by honesty, not harmony at all costs.

The Biggest Helping: Today's Most Important Takeaway

"Speaking up and being clear about your needs and desires and being open to hearing that of the person sitting across from you is the pathway to emotional intimacy and a fulfilling life."

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Thank you for joining us on The Daily Helping with Dr. Shuster. Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and YouTube to download more food for the brain, knowledge from the experts, and tools to win at life.

Resources:

• Read Push Back: Live, Love, and Work with Others Without Losing Yourself by Tonya Lester
• Visit Tonya's website 
• Follow Tonya on Instagram
• Read her Psychology Today blog "Staying Sane Inside Insanity"
• Thank you for joining us on The Daily Helping with Dr. Shuster. Subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts and Spotify to download more food for the brain, knowledge from the experts, and tools to win at life. 

Produced by NOVA